0 2.5 Million Readers Pick Top Posts for 2014

Autism Day By Day - 2.5 Million Readers Pick Top Posts for 2014

What a year! Autism Day by Day became an official National Institute of health resource and more than 2.5 million of you logged onto Autism Day by Day. When the year was over you had unanimously picked the following posts to make up the top 20 reads! Your favorites covered every topic from Bullies to Puberty, Police to Cover Up's at the CDC, Joy of Surfing to Statistics, Employment and what makes us really mad, these are the posts that got your attention.  

​

​MIT Reports 1/2 of all US Children will have autism by ..​

http://autism2daily.blogspot.com/2014/12/half-of-all-us-children-will-be.html

​A Candid Conversation with A Cop - Be afraid!​

http://autism2daily.blogspot.com/2014/12/operation-introduction-conversation.html

​​National PSA address's Autism Related Wandering; Spread the Word!

http://autism2daily.blogspot.com/2014/09/help-get-word-out-share-this-psa.html

​Bullies without Boundaries!​

http://autism2daily.blogspot.com/2014/09/bullies-without-boundaries-ice-bucket.html

​  

​Puberty, Part II Managing Masturbation! ​A must read for Moms

http://autism2daily.blogspot.com/2014/02/puberty-part-iii-managing-masturbation.html​

11 Ted Talks to a Happier Life! 

http://autism2daily.blogspot.com/2014/09/11-talks-to-happier-lifewhy-not.html

​   

​CDC Vaccine Cover Up Reported

http://autism2daily.blogspot.com/2014/09/whistleblower-cdc-covered-up-vaccines.html

​Disney Faces More Heat in Autism Lawsuits ​

http://autism2daily.blogspot.com/2014/09/disney-faces-more-heat-as-autistic-kids.html

​A Must See Video!  Autism + Surfing = Pure Joy!​

http://autism2daily.blogspot.com/2014/08/autism-and-surfing-must-see-video-of.html

​Police and Autism a Dangerous Mix​

http://autism2daily.blogspot.com/2014/08/police-and-autism-dangerous-mix-police.html

​​​Autism Online Job Board​

http://autism2daily.blogspot.com/2014/06/online-job-board-for-applicants-with.html

Disney Law Suit​

http://autism2daily.blogspot.com/2014/04/disney-parks-refutes-lawsuit-claiming.html

There may soon be a way to genetically test children for ASD

http://autism2daily.blogspot.com/2014/04/news-alert-there-may-soon-be-way-to.html

​Why "Retarded Needs to Be Retired"​

http://autism2daily.blogspot.com/2014/03/why-retarded-deserves-to-be-retired.html

​Employment Improves Autism Symptoms​

http://autism2daily.blogspot.com/2014/03/employment-may-lead-to-improvement-in.html

​Autism and Meditation - A good mix! ​

http://autism2daily.blogspot.com/2014/03/highlights-from-autism-meditation.html

Detail: 2.5 Million Readers Pick Top Posts for 2014

0 2 Teen Girls Sexually and Physically Assault 16 Year Old Boy with Autism

You know those fears we have deep down for our kids, the stories we fear are happening, the things we know can happen and we just pray they will not happen to our family, our children. This is a big one of those. I've written a lot about puberty and my concerns about Nick's potentially inappropriate behaviors, and I've had parents with developmentally disabled children share stories about the ways their child is managing exploration, inappropriate touching  to full on sexual abuse, and it's almost always upsetting. At the same time, I experience a secret sign of relief when the sexual abuse, didn't turn into the kind of physical violence that kills. Because there is a part of me that fears people who abuse our kids in these dark ways, think so little of them and are so aware of how easy it is to abuse them, and care so little for them crossing this line would not be hard to do. When I talk about how critical inclusion is, how we have to keep our kids in general education settings, and active in our communities, introducing our neighbors to our children it's because it's up to us to educate the community to make sure people know our children are precious and loved because people are still the best safety net we have. 

Two teenage girls in southern Maryland bullied an apparently autistic 16-year-old boy into performing sexual acts and crashing through pond ice in episodes they captured on cellphone video, authorities said Wednesday.

The girls, ages 17 and 15, threatened the teen with a knife, kicked him in the groin and dragged him around by his hair, said St. Mary's County Sheriff's Office Sgt. Cara Grumbels. They coerced him into walking on a partially frozen pond and then refused to help him out of the frigid water, she said.

Grumbles said the boy got out himself, but the prank could have turned deadly.

"You're dealing with somebody who doesn't have the mental capacity of you and I," she said. "Somebody like that could go into a kiddie pool and may not be able to get themselves out. That's what's really kind of disturbing to us, among the other allegations in this case. The whole thing's just very disturbing."

She said investigators haven't found any of the video online.

The 17-year-old, Lauren A. Bush, of Mechanicsville, was charged as an adult Tuesday with first- and second-degree assault, false imprisonment and solicitation for child pornography. She was released on her own recognizance.

The 15-year-old was charged as a juvenile with the same offenses and referred to the state Department of Juvenile Services. The sheriff's office didn't release her name.

Grumbles said both girls acknowledged they committed the offenses. A call to Bush's home wasn't returned. No defense

attorney was listed in court records.

Grumbles said the boy's parents told police he is autistic and police described him as having "diminished mental capacity."

She said all three teens attended Chopticon High School in Morganza.

Police learned of what happened from a parent of the younger girl who had seen the video on her daughter's phone, Grumbles said. The parent showed it to a sheriff's deputy who works in the school, she said.

Grumbels said there is no evidence other students joined the bullying.

She said more charges are likely as investigators list offenses for each episode that authorities say occurred from early December to early February.

Detail: 2 Teen Girls Sexually and Physically Assault 16 Year Old Boy with Autism

0 Puberty Part III - Managing Masturbation "Go Squish In Your Room" Is Working!!!

"Go Squish In Your Room" Is Working!!!  

Continuing on the topic of puberty, specifically as it relates to my son and his private parts; I'm happy to report that our strategy to contain a certain behavior to a designated place is working!  If you've not faced the upset of inappropriate behavior in public with your kids, this may not seem like a big deal, and I get it. However this has not been the case for me. This aspect of puberty has been very upsetting for me and my family and finding a solution feels like a giant victory. We not just solved the problem of this moment, we've created a self management skill that will help to keep him safe for a lifetime. 

This is the plan we put into place after deciding the school bathroom was not where Nick could respond to his hormone driven urges :).

Operation SQUISH

Step one: Give the behavior a name.
We named it "Squishing" because pillows tend to be involved.

Step two: Create a safe and acceptable place for "Squishing", all the while treating Nick with respect.
We choose his bedroom, with the door closed.

Step three:  Introduce the term.
In our case Nick was open for touching his privates anytime and anyplace. So teaching him the name for it was easy. Every time he began the behavior we named it, by saying "No Squishing" if we were out of the house or "If you want to Squish, go to your room" if we were at home.

Step four:  Implement the Rule.
The rule is "Squishing in your room only with the door closed". As soon as we knew Nick understood the rule, we began by prompting him whenever we saw him begin the behavior "If you need to Squish please go to your room".

Step four: Drop the Prompt.
Three weeks after introducing it Nick began asking to go to his room. We didn't instantly know it was because he wanted to go Squish, but we figured it out pretty quick. He was implementing the rule on his own, and we were able to drop the prompt.

Now with an occasional reminder and he's totally self managing!!! Yippee.

Good luck moms and dads!

FYI...Mom's don't look up Managing Masturbation in Google as a way to get more info! You'll find out really fast the shocking power of the internet. Stick with terms like Special Needs and Sexual Education. :)

Detail: Puberty Part III - Managing Masturbation "Go Squish In Your Room" Is Working!!!

0 Sex Ed Missing For People With Autism Spectrum Disorder

I was listening to a 30 something man with high functioning autism and I felt a profound sadness when he shared this simple truth ...

“Sometimes I feel pretty lonely. I like to drink tea and sometimes tea is meant for sharing.".

       

My focus for the last 13 years has been on whatever stage of the process Nick was in. 

First it was early diagnosis and his health then early intervention, then inclusion, proper school settings. Most recently I'm thinking about surviving puberty, community safety, housing and employment related things. Sexuality was on my mind as it related to puberty, inappropriate behaviors and keeping him safe - but not so much in terms of sexuality and relationship building. 

I've had mom's mention getting Nick in a sex ed class and I consciously took no action because I thought it was inappropriate, over his head, out of his sphere of interest and understanding. But hearing this man speak was just one more shift, one more bonk on the head, one more reminder of my limited thinking when it comes to seeing Nick as a complete person, in this case a complete man. 

This is definitely another example of Nick's future being impacted by my limitations, more than his. Okay, seems a special ed class is in our future. Still feels funny. I've gotta get over it. 

If you're on this part of the journey here's some info I found.  If I had any doubt that I was slow to the party this website confirmed it!

http://www.autismsexeducation.com/

Detail: Sex Ed Missing For People With Autism Spectrum Disorder

0 Puberty: Boundaries & Impulse Control; From Boy to Man...Seems the Greatest Challenges Lie Ahead

Baby things are
irresistible to Nick!

"After years of therapy and programs it comes down to this for Nick; boundaries and impulse control. These are the two most important things for him to master now, or everything else community goes off the table."


I was in Costco pushing my cart through check out when Nick walked away. I looked up to see where he was, and my eyes went right to a mom clutching her baby protectively to her chest. Her frightened eyes were fixed  on Nick saying "Who are you?! Don't touch my baby!" My first instinct was to protect my baby, and give that mom a piece of my mind and perform an on the spot sensitivity training. Topped off by letting her know what a small person she was for not understanding that Nick was my baby, a vulnerable harmless kid with a disability and not the threat she was envisioning!!

Then it hit me, I know that look. It's the protective mom look we all have that isn't' conscious, it is pure instinct. Every mom's had that look. In that instant my heart and mind shifted, and it only took seconds for me to look around and piece together what was "really" happening.  Her baby was dressed as one of Nicks favorite things, Winnie the Pooh. Nick no doubt had rushed up on her cart, excited to see Pooh, and the mom didn't see a special needs kid, she saw a grown man rushing up to her baby and she was truly frightened.  I related to the frightened look on mom's face. I'd seen it before on my own face so many times. I remember how protective of my babies I was (and still am) and there's nothing rational about it. We feel a threat and we react.

Seems I've mellowed or grown up a bit, because the feeling inside me to puff up my chest and go toe to toe with the mom subsided as quickly as it flared up. Gone was my desire to make her see my point of view, have her apologize for thinking my kid was a threat, and my need to make her out to be an ignorant person who was mean to a special boy evil eye wasn't totally gone, but it was brief.  I took a deep breath and saw her side. I understood. Her reaction was perfect. The challenge, the responsibility was mine, not hers.

The transformation of my son from being a boy, to being a man is so fast I can't keep up. I don't' know about anyone else, but no matter how prepared I try to be, I'm still being caught off guard. Nick may be my baby, but in the eyes of the world, standing at 5'7" 175 lbs he is a man. And today he was a man who just ran up on a baby, and that's frightening. As much as he's my child this is not the time to be naïve and being right is not going to be very useful. No matter my personal views I have to protect him by facing the facts; no matter how special, adorable, good, kindhearted he is, he is also a man who has not yet learned boundaries and impulse control and that can get him in terrible trouble.

After years of therapy and programs it comes down to this for Nick; boundaries and impulse control. I've been talking about it for a while as I've watched Nick's progress and growth. These are the two most important things for him to master now, or everything else community goes off the table. If I knew 10 years ago how long these skills took to teach, to generalize, I would have made it a priority sooner. But, then again we've always been focusing on what seemed to be the priority at the time.

So last night I prayed.....
God help us and protect him.
Keep Nick safe in a world where he doesn't understand the rules.
Help me to be the best mom I can be.
Help me to teach him all he needs to know.
Help others to have kind hearts.
Keep him safe, please.

Detail: Puberty: Boundaries & Impulse Control; From Boy to Man...Seems the Greatest Challenges Lie Ahead

0 Puberty: Time Out for Touching??!!!

Alert to moms raising teen boys, here’s a candid tidbit about puberty.  I just learned something, and just in case I’m the only one who didn't know, please don’t laugh too loud!  In my own defense I’m a single mom, who was raised by a single mom. I have no brothers and we didn't have family gatherings complete with lots of boys and girls so I confess I've got information gaps. 

My son is 15 and he has become very aware, if not enamored with his private parts. He rubs up against people, pushes pillows or stuffed toys into his groin, and has no problem putting his hands there anytime anywhere. Last week we were in a restaurant, he went at it, and I mixed one part humor with one part frustration and said “If you don’t stop it, I’m going with the "You’ll go blind line”. YES, I did go there. Not to worry, he was too preoccupied to hear me, but his sister laughed, defended him and then tapped him in the arm to make him stop. 

Yesterday we had a team meeting with Nick's behavior support team and puberty was a key topic. When some of the team determined that Nick should be able to take breaks and go to the bathroom upon request, I freaked out! I’m thinking OH NO YOU DON"T!  All I could think - as a mom - was, I do not want him being encouraged to participate in what they were so politely calling “release” behavior at school, or anywhere besides his own room or bathroom. This is private, and should not be encouraged in any public setting, even a bathroom stall. I was freaking out, my mind raced with stories of our kids and obsessions with pornography  and scenarios where he would be "releasing" and someone would walk in, call him a pervert and he would get hauled off to lord knows where. And what are we encouraging - I want him to learn control not permission!!!

But when I voiced my opinion and my concern that we were encouraging behavior that I thought could get him in trouble, and send the wrong message; the men in the meeting looked at me like I was crazy. They were not happy!  They said I was dead wrong.  I thought I was making perfect sense, and I fought back. This began a detailed dialog full of tings I never knew, most enlightening was it seems boys at this age get aroused all the time and no sexual stimuli is required. I thought girls and other exciting things caused the erections, but I've been corrected it’s not just about girls, women or sex stuff. Rather their bodies go on a kind of auto pilot, and erections happen anytime and anywhere. Seems this is the age with it really has a mind of its own.  So the guys consider it a non-sexual body function at this age. They said they have to release it, and if they don’t bad things happen. They said in my guys case if we don’t let him, or create an opportunity for him to, he will just get frustrated and agitated and in time instead of getting  the result we are looking for which is control, or his ability to control himself  we will get a kid who’s frustrated which could result in all kinds of increased negative behaviors.  So we let's the men lead on this one. However, I will be shifting the focus of his program to impulse control!   Here’s the plan we implemented after this heated debate:

Puberty:

The team has discussed appropriate times of the day and appropriate places for  NJ to have his own time or private time.  The team agreed to be consistent with using appropriate language with NJ by stating private time or I need my own time.  The team agreed to redirect NJ to his bedroom and to use the top bed of his bunk bed for his own time.  The team agreed to give NJ 10-15 minutes before he is given a transition signal to get ready to begin his homework and chores.  The team agreed to give NJ his space and to NOT enter his bedroom.  The team agreed to give verbal prompts or transition signals outside of NJ’s bedroom by standing in the hallway. 

At school, NJ will be given time to use the restroom and will be given extra time if he has a bowel movement.  The team will redirect NJ to use his own time at home and not at school.  The team is also working with NJ on keeping his hands to himself and to keep an appropriate distance with others, especially women.  The team agreed to have a zero tolerance for this at school and in the home setting.  NJ will be redirected to step away and will be given time to himself to think about his choices.  The BII will redirect NJ to explain what happened and if it was an appropriate choice or not.  He will then be asked to explain why.  NJ will not earn free choice at the end of the day for grabbing or pulling himself into others while he is at school or in the community. 

Detail: Puberty: Time Out for Touching??!!!